The Ocean

I’ve heard people compare the sensation of surrender to that of death, but to me it feels like life and freedom. What could possibly be better than shedding the destructive, intrusive thoughts of anger, retribution and grief and replace them with love?

Why do people hold on to pain, when what awaits them is so beautiful?  Why do people continue to cycle in madness, in craziness, in drama?  I’ve seen people who are so trapped by their trauma that their adult self has little chance in this lifetime to break free and be in charge.  But this can not be the case for everyone.  I have dear friends whose authentic self screams at them and I watch them push this voice of reason away.  I watch people spend decades in cults in order to bring some kind of structure and meaning into their life, convincing themselves a damaged self kept in check is safer than a free self expanding into the unknown. I see people cling to family legacies in this same way.

There can be pain when the growth of the Will takes us beyond the rationale of ancestral belief.  For me the pain is fear.  Fear of what it will be like when I am on the other side, when I instigate and earn my freedom, when I finally have choice.  What I have come to realize through this process again and again is that the hardest moment is truly just before the dawn.  It’s that moment that you can no longer deny that you must grow but the fear asserts itself and tries to shut you down.  But if you are brave and if you can trust that somehow in this infinite, unbounded universe there is possibility and if you then take this one final step…it happens…and you can’t believe that you ever wavered on the other side.  Presence, joy, passion, infinity are all your birthright.

Welcome back to the ocean of which you were always a part of.


Ann TeppermanComment